DISTORTED REALITY
DISTORTED REALITY
Abandoned! This is what I felt so deeply during one of the darkest moments of my life. It seemed that everyone who seemed to believe in me just walked away. Each one with their own reason but one by one they just left. I felt betrayed but worse, abandoned. Who could I turn to? The few that remained, though faithful, didn’t seem to understand the depth of my pain. I worked so hard, sacrificed so much, then I had nothing to show for it, or so I thought.
It was during this period that the Lord did His greatest work. He began to purge me! Like the Spanish Inquisition, I was under the microscope of ridicule and judgment. Why is He cutting so deep? Why is He examining me with such scrutiny? What have I done? Didn’t I obey with diligence and focus?
As I searched for answers, I was drawn to the book of Job. Though my heart was broken and fragile, it was then that I had a realization. As the bible states in Job, “… [he] was blameless-a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil” (Job 1:1 NLT). Yet, Job was tested like very few humans have; He lost his family, his wealth, his health and amid this, his friends accused him of sinning against God. Even his wife pressed him. She said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die” (Job 2:9 NLT). Even though he was suffering, he responds to her, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we only accept good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” (Job 2:10 NLT). As I read this, I wondered why the Lord let him be tested. What was God trying to do?
Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me as I read the conclusion of Job. After a back and forth dialog between Job and God (Job representing all of mankind with God representing himself and all His glory) Job began to understand his weak point.
Before you read how Job responded to God, remember Job was a man like you and I, flesh, and bone. However, he was also a man that represented the best of humanity. If any one was going to present a case for humanity before God, it would be a man like Job. Yet, Job didn’t understand that God had to show him something so profound that it would change Job’s life forever but, more importantly, bring him to real communion with God. The devil thought he had the upper hand. Job thought it was all for nothing, but God knew this would be Job’s greatest victory.
“Then Job replied to the Lord, “I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. You said, ‘Listen and I will speak! I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.’ I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”
Most of our reality is perceived through the lens of our experience. If left unchecked, our experience may be marred by the tragedies of life (abuse, abandonment, rejection, fear, desire, neglect, loss, etc...) a likely probability for most. If so, then your understanding of God, regardless of your knowledge and faith, could be tainted. Even Job, a man of integrity, a man who feared God, realized he wasn’t who he thought he was. God had to expose Job through trial so Job could see he didn’t really know God. His prior lack of understanding permitted certain pit falls in his life. If you read the earlier chapters before tragedy hits, Job had to work twice as hard to worship God because his children were wild and rebellious. Why? Though Job knew of God, he didn’t know God. He had a transactional relationship with God, not a personal relationship with God. He gave sacrifices to God as a transaction to receive forgiveness for him and his family. Yet, God wanted a repentant heart; a heart that demonstrated the gap of purview between man and God; a heart of realization that God didn’t need man but wanted man; a truly prostrated heart before God. The only thing in common you have with God is that you both want you. However, only one of you can hold life in their hands, and that isn’t you. In essence, your life doesn’t belong to you, therefore, the only adequate response is repentance. What is this repentance? An acknowledgement (like Job), of the gap between you and God. Repent that you are not like God and that you didn’t create the depths of existence; that the only thing you can offer is what was first given to you: you!
I realized through this process that I gave my skills, abilities, and ideas to God, but I didn’t truly give Him me; the one and only thing He really wanted. He wanted me to love and be loved. I had to repent of what I thought I knew and respond with patience and peace before my God. I no longer had to be in a rush to prove myself or make sacrifices for Him that I deemed good. I had to learn to break from my misconceived perceptions and let go of what I knew to be able to just BE; Just BE in His presence, not mine, not others, but HIS. Who was I to think that my sacrifices were enough? That I could demand things from God from a place of knowledge when truly I knew nothing? Like Job, I needed to be humbled to realize that the gap between me and God is far deeper than I could imagine. I cannot come with demands but with an offering: An offering of my life; the good, bad, and the ugly. My life wasn’t mine to begin with, but it was the thing God thought was special enough of, that He created it and gave it to me as a gift. What greater gift can someone give His creator than what was given to them and better yet, with interest? Don’t waste your life. Surrender it to God and bless Him with it.
What then? How do you accomplish this?
1. Acknowledge that most of your perception has been tainted by the trials of life. Whether your perception or your parents’, somewhere along the way, it is very likely that things have happened that have made you look at the world through the wrong lens.
2. Decide to either believe God at His word or not. You can’t toggle back and forth. If you are going to believe halfway, then why waste your time? COMMIT OR QUIT!
3. Understand that God sent HIS only begotten son so that whoever would believe in Him shall not perish but receive everlasting life. Meaning that only through the sacrifice of Jesus, can you truly be made clean enough so that you can present yourself to Him as a proper offering.
How do you start this journey?
Repent (ask God to forgive you) for your lack of awareness, your lack of acknowledging God, and any wrong doings in your life.
Accept that Jesus died on the cross for your sins (wrong doings and disbeliefe) and believe that Jesus was raised on the third day and now sits at the right hand of the Father as Lord, King, Savior, and God.
Finally, understand that life is a journey and just because things become difficult it doesn’t mean the journey is over. Jesus will bring up many things to your memory that hurt you in the past. It may be painful, but you must confront the hurt. By confronting it and acknowledging it, you and God can begin to heal it. Know that the enemy worked hard to bring that hurt into your life so that you couldn’t see God and His love. He wanted to rob you of peace and a life of blessing. Also, remember that no matter what this life brings you, God will be with you, and you will have a resting place for eternity in Heaven.
Prayer;
Dear God forgive me for my sins, forgive me not realizing who you are, I ask for forgiveness in the name of Jesus. I ask that you teach me how to know myself better so that I can give you all of me. Teach me to walk in wisdom and understanding. Teach me how to know you better so that I can better serve you. Finally, I acknowledge that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He was raised from the dead 3 days later, and that He now sits on His thrown in heaven. Jesus you are my king, my Lord, my savior, and my all.
It is in your name Jesus that I pray these things. Amen!
Ignite the Spark,
Elijah